Stacie Rife Bailey's Bliss

Sincerely Me.. SPC

Baring my soul again…God help me…

Here goes another Self Portrait Challenge

The last of “getting to know me”

Sunday June 4^th I will be crossing… or for lack of a better term… confronting a mild milestone.

No longer “early thirties”

But not yet “late thirties”

Right smack dab in the middle!

Am I WHO I thought I would be at this point in my life?

NO

Am I WHERE I thought I would be at this point in my life?

Definitely not!

Where does my mind tell me I should be?

With a BA degree

In a fabulous career that utilizes the creative side of me.

A healthy savings/checking account and a business on the side that has

something to do with dogs.. or art….

Where does my heart tell me I should be?

A stay-at-home-Mom/Homemaker with 2 lovely children to care for. Dinner on the table every night for my husband. Sundays busy with baking pies, having afternoon tea, and the house filled with an aromatic smell of homemade soup. Weekdays with the children filled with extracurricular activities such as day trips to the beach, zoo and long neighborhood walks. Teaching them how important the little things are and how everyday matters. Reliving the little important things through them….. Them teaching me, me teaching them.

            I recently came across a journal I wrote in when I was 22.

It spoke of having children within the next couple of years.

Here I am.. 13 years later.. no kids..

At 22  I was naïve as to how much it takes to have/care for children.

Patience

The ability to teach

The ability to learn as much from them

You no longer live for yourself.. you live for them..

Stability etc etc etc

(Amongst a few)

I am in a much better place now to be able to provide those things,(??) but with

age comes wisdom, and with age I think comes more fear to tackle the things we were once naive of.

Where AM I now?

In a dead end career that that seems to suck the life out of me

and is way beyond anything creative., no children. (and not due to my not wanting them per say)

And am in desperate need of an attitude adjustment.

On the brighter side.. I am in an “art” place where I really never thought I would be.(If someone would have told me at 22 that in my thirties I would have been published in X amount of magazines with my art endeavors I would have said they were crazy!)

I have made terrific friends and have met the most amazing people in my entire life!

Is my WHO/WHERE I thought I’d be list unattainable? NO, not really…(all by the grace of God) so what would stop me???

FEAR.. (fear of failing.. or succeeding .. I don’t know)

It all stems back to FEAR (fear that has engulfed me since a very young age)

Fear to step out of the “norm” (which is so contradictory to an artist way)

I envy those people who are “not yet late thirties, but not early thirties” who embrace their fear.

Who stare at it head on to conquer… I want to ask them.. how did you get to that point?

Dog Gone INCREDIBLE!

On MSN's homepage there is an incredible article about a DEVOTED owner of a golden retriever!

Talk about giving your life for your dog!!!!!I could relate to this.. as I would have done the same thing...

Read this! There is also a mini video if you click above on the article link!

CORAL SPRINGS, Fla. - The phrase "you lucky dog" has taken on new meaning for one Coral Sprilng puppy.

Jasmine, a 6-month-old golden retriever, was on a morning run with her owner, Michael Rubin. The dog ran ahead to the edge of a pond, where it met up with a hungry alligator.

The intrepid Rubin jumped right into the water and started beating the gator with his fists. Not giving up easily, the reptile rolled in the water with the dog in its mouth. Rubin eventually managed to free his pet.

At a local animal hospital, Jasmine was treated for cuts and puncture wounds. She's now home, doing fine.

Visible Bonding

I rarely keep the creations I make.

I think it is due to the fact that if I give them away to friends or sell them, it gives me a reason to KEEP creating. Some of the time I do regret this, but at the same time it keeps me going. If I can sell them, it gives me the money resources I need to keep buying supplies to fund my creative endeavors.

This particular collage I know I will regret selling. It was one of those ones I've worked on for months.... It started out as something that just didn't "klick" so I put it aside (actually put it aside about 3 different times) and kept bringing it out and adding to it. I finished it about 2 weeks ago and I really ended up liking it (a lot-- which is really rare for me to really like my own work A LOT)..

BUT.. I just listed it on EBAY (yes.. to fund my habit and my addiction to keep creating) I just have a feeling now, as I just listed it, that it will be one of the pieces I regretfully sell off.. but.. thus the name of the game!

(It is a collage made on handmade paper and then added to a flat canvas panel hung by beautiful teal colored ribbon)

If you are interested.. PLEASE bid and help me out! I think it would just kill me to see it go for the $12.00 I listed it for as I have SO much time into it and a "bond" with it.

:) Thanks!

and maybe I am dreaming... sometimes it seems as if the creations I make that I do really end up liking.. are the ones that NEVER SELL....????.... and the ones that I think are "so-so" end up selling...

Give me your comments if you will.... and tell me what YOU think! THANKS A BUNCH!!!!

New ATC's

Here are 2 new ATC's I've listed on EBAY

CHILDREN AT PLAY

and

BACK HOME

Fairhaven for pictures

A day in Fairhaven
A Haven for taking pictures would be in Fairhaven,WA....a great place with tons of photo ops, great architecture to look at, and wonderful restaurants with SUPERB sweets.....not to mention it homes the wonderful Chrysalis Inn and Spa!

I tagged along yesterday with my newly found friend Gretchen Goodwin (and kindred spirit) to an ATC swap that was held in Bellingham,WA. Although I didn't have any ATC's to swap (as it was a last minute decision that I tag along) the people there were very nice and the day lent itself to an entire paper/antique/art spree. I was lucky enough to see my friend Lelainia who came down with her friend from Canada to go to the swap! We all went to lunch at the Colophon Cafe and hung out for the better part of the morning! So good to see her again after AF!

I devulged in the white chocolate mousse (TO DIE FOR), Gretchen had the also (TO DIE FOR) choc/peanut butter mousse and Lelainia had the Tiramasu desert (Lelaina...here is your picture of your wonderful desert I promised!!!)

Check out my FLICKR account for the other photo ops I had yesterday!

Always Home...

New collage listed on EBAY las night in one of my insomniac spells.

"You're always home when friends are near"

5"x6"

and this ATC.. "Paint the town"

Inspire Me Thursday

This week's ~INSPIRE ME THURSDAY's~ theme is

"WORD ART"

Some sweet things

I tackled my Callalillies tonight after work. I managed to find a few that hadn't been eaten up by whatever is eating them (I believe it's the snails.. but not too sure) They always look so beautiful in vases around the house! I love the looks of them! (bad picture.. but didn't realize it until I downloaded it.. forgive the bad photography!)

Yesterday after work.. I laid down at 4pm out of sheer exhaustion from not sleeping at night to awake at 8pm. I got up, made a batch of blueberry scones --which are absolutely delicious!---(just sounded good) and went back to bed again and didn't wake up until this morning for my Doctors appt.

Here is a picture of 4 out of the original 12 that were made. I presume they will be gone before the night is over. They hardly stick around long enough for their picture to be taken!

My Doctor advised me to see a therapist to talk over some of the anxiety issues I've been having that are preventing me from shutting my brain off at night to fall asleep. (well.. this I already knew I needed to do, but she confirmed it I suppose).. she also prescribed me something to help me for a while  until I can tackle it via talking to someone.

However.. I do feel better today from getting a good amount of sleep last night and yesterday. I came home, did a ton of housework and helped Jeff make dinner. It actually felt so good to accomplish something! It is so amazing how much lack of sleep affects us! Our bodies need that time to heal itself and re-energize! I am looking forward to the long weekend to catch up on sleep and all the other things I've been neglecting!

Where is the "Z"?

For the last week I have been barely treading water on less than 5 hours of sleep a night.

Usually I require at least 8 hours but 10 is a good functioning level for me…

I crawl in bed around 10 and toss and turn and my mind is going a million miles an hour for the next 3-4 hours.. (HOURS!).. but don’t ask me about what.. because I don’t stick to one subject long enough to know what I am even thinking about myself!

Then the last recollection I have is seeing the red florescent #’s between

1:30

and

2:30

.. and then the alarm is going off at 6!

I can’t take it anymore! I cannot even function.. I am like a walking zombie. Dark circles under my eyes.. pale skin… tripping over my own feet.. driving my car on auto-pilot. I can’t fall asleep at night but could barely bat an eye at work and I could be sleeping in my carpeted cubicle!

I finally broke down and made a Doctors appt.. tomorrow!

What I would do right now for the letter ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzz

SPC-who am I?

Self Portrait Challenge..

Self portrait challenge.. formerly self portrait Tuesdays......

Do you really want to know? I hardly know who I am....

here is a few things I DO know...

I am a sailboat tethered to the shore by a rusty chain, arriving there by past choices but now bound by my own insecurities and fears.

I look out into the great blue.. with visions, dreams of fulfillment,

enlightenment, and inner peace but can’t find the bolt cutters.

I have never known what it is like to love myself.

I spill my heart and then regret it later.

I am a friend, daughter and wife, none of which I am good at.

I am my own worst enemy.

I am an only child and never need to be entertained. I love/hate being alone.

I would give my life for my animals. My life hasn't’t been the same since Bailey died.

My last boss told me I needed to be more assertive and no so quiet.

I am a good friend when not paralyzed by anxiety.

I believe there is something beautiful about everyone!

I am a good listener. I listen more than I talk.

I hold too much inside; sometimes so much it makes me sick.

I don’t like to burden people with my problems. It’s easier for me to help than to receive help.

I miss being young. I miss my group of friends… we were inseparable.

I grew up Catholic…… still deal with guilt on a daily basis.

I love the people who love me for me.. whether silly, sad, stupid, tired, tear some or fun!

I don’t hold grudges ~~~but the stories I COULD tell…you would say I should hold grudges~~~~~

I trust no one, but am trustworthy.

I have a shoe fetish, and own A LOT… but wear a select few.

I daydream more often than I night-dream.

Vanilla over chocolate ANY day!

I would love to be a Mother more than anything, but it scares the hell out me at the same time.

I am a Night Owl, but not by choice. I only wish I could start the day with the birds!

A REALLY good day…

would start with getting up early enough to see the sunrise, (KEY:without feeling tired)

sipping a cup of Jo.

It would consist of....

Laughing so hard my stomach hurts

Birds singing

Scout at my side

A good book or magazine

The sun shining and over 80 degrees!

Water.. whether it be a lake, ocean, river,,, or waterfall…

Cotton clothing-

The smell of jasmine

Picnic lunch—with cheese of course!

--------------------------------------------------------------

When I grow up… I want to be an artist.

When I grow up.... I want to love me for me

When I grow up.. hopefully I can find the bolt cutters and get the sail boat past the harbor.